Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize