All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
