My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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