Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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