My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
