Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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