Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
