mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
