Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
