I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
