Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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