u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
