Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
