Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
