Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
