are you still at the devil's house?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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