i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
