Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
