I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
