I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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