Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
