Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
