OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
