i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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