bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
