you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
