I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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