how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
