Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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