I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm like, not good at living.
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