Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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