they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
