I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
