it hurts more in the daytime
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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