Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
