I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
