david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I supernannyed him into submission
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize