my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize