I got chris browned last night
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
As shirtless as possible
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
