my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
