just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
