They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just high enough for therapy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
