I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
