Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
