It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
