Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pants are for mortals
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
