return my video game
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
