I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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