a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
