Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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