hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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