I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
