if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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