I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
