I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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