im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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