Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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