Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
