Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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