i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
