with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
