i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
40s are totally the cure
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
