We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
