Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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