I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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