You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My bed smells like the plague
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize