you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
