my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
