After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
