i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When are your genitals available?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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