just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
