I feel like I'm in dance class right now
smell my finger.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
