I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
