so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
PS: I just woke up from my shower
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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