Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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