also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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