Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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