What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
