I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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