He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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