My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
