i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
love makes seman taste better
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
