fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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